If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
