Please, let me fuck your mom
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
