I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
