words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
