well I can't set my house on fire every night
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
