We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
