That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just pee around me
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
