you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
