well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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