im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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