If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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