You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
