i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
its not stalking. its research.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
