I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
