Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i think i just lost a toe
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
im on a boat
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