she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
