fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
