if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
