i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
