I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just high enough for therapy.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
