we have officially lost it.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
