I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
