Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
