I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
