remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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