im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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