yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Holy sore nipples Batman
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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