you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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