this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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