So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
