so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
