my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
