I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
