even my farts smell like vagina
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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