U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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