yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i drank out of a bidet.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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