I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
