You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
