I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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