Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
