Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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