Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
