Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
