imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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