just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
