yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
