I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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