I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
