I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
