Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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