in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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