Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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