He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
