bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
