piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
